I’ve been seriously considering whether to write a newsletter this week, which is why it’s a little late, but have decided to give it a go anyway. This is a little more than an astrological write-up – the first part is more of a personal blog, straight from my heart, due to the place that I find myself in, with the astrology thrown in later. Please bear with me if this is a bit of a ramble, but I’m going to take you on a little journey to try and explain what’s going on “out there” and how it can play out in our lives, using mine as an example. If one or two of you resonate with it, then it’s served its purpose.
There’s a lot of deeply transformative stuff coming up for all of us astrologically in the next few months and the way I see it, the focus is on finding meaning in it all and in so doing, getting in touch with our authentic power.
So with that in mind here goes… This really follows on from my last blog posted on 20th March (re-read if necessary – its under this one), where I wrote about us possibly feeling “emotionally cut off, isolated, a tad depressed, negative, numb or even somewhat stuck…. Heavyish!” Well! Little did I know that a couple of days later, I would land up in hospital, where I would remain for a whole week, my physical body being prodded and plundered and my emotions roller-coastering like never before.
It’s a long story, which I’m not going to bore you with and I’m recovering back at home now, thankfully. However, the whole experience literally brought me and my life to a complete standstill, taking me to a place where I was faced with the possibility that this could be the beginning of the end of my physical life as I know it. Sitting alone in a sterile x-ray room, being told by a man in a white coat that the fluid they found around your lung was likely to be due to you having either cancer or heart failure, is pretty much guaranteed to give you a warm klap (for non South Africans, translate as a slap around the ears) of giant proportions… or not I guess… if you’re enlightened, which I’m clearly not. As he said the words, I could feel my egoic mind taking over, I could feel myself separating from my essence and sending my fertile imagination into some rather scary places.
This “diagnosis” led to all sorts of tests, which eventually, one by one, ruled out both of those dire possibilities. The process of not knowing, however, took a whole week and at this point, the medical fraternity is still scratching their collective heads and don’t have any answers as to what caused the problem that took me to hospital in the first place and neither do I. What I do know, is that it goes way beyond the physical body. Perhaps being in the mystery is the answer for me at this point…that, as well as fully taking responsibility for my health and my life and connecting in an even deeper way.
Lying in that hospital bed at night, I had no option but to feel my feelings in techni-colour – no distractions – they ranged from bare-faced fear, to terror, sheer unadulterated panic, anxiety, unbelievable sadness, anger, aloneness, grief and even meaningless. My mind would try it’s best to rationalise it and tell me that it would all be ok and that I could handle whatever it was and that people deal with much more momentous things than this every second of every day.
My emotions, however, were having none of that. It would often feel as if my heart was literally pounding in my throat, so loudly that I could hear it like an African drum had taken up centre stage inside my ears. Throughout all this, the only thing I could do was to surrender. The only thing that eased the pain, was to breathe as deeply as my lungs would allow and tell myself that I was supported by and connected to the Divine and that whatever happened, it was ok. A dear healer/teacher visited, (as did many) and did a very powerful healing on me the night before my little op and reminded me to repeat the Ho’oponopono – “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you and thank you”. This is one powerful mantra, which I did all the time and am still doing, until I drift off to sleep. If you don’t know this remarkable story. There are lots of links but here’s one if you want to read more.
As I continue to spend some in reflection – writing, healing and just “being” with the feelings that come up, I find myself looking for “meaning” in a far deeper way than ever before. I’ve realised that with all the books I’ve read, courses I’ve done etc (and that’s a lot), the real work can only be done deep inside …. alone. I’m still in that place …no where near through the tunnel yet, but doing my best to surrender. In fact, what I know now is that I don’t know very much about anything all. Perhaps that’s an important step towards awakening?
For those of you who are interested and who are still reading, I do believe that the astrology of this time is really, really urging us to walk the talk, to do what needs to be done in order to let go, transmute, wake up and bring new energy in. From late March through to May, we have yet another opportunity to go deeper, to transform and to set real authentic intentions, which will lead us towards finding real meaning and healing. Fortunately that doesn’t mean you need get your butt kicked into a hospital ward like I did, but it does mean that transformation is going to happen one way or another.
First of all, we start the month with the Sun moving into the same degree as Uranus (planet of radical change) in Aries (new beginnings, intention) – so one interpretation would be “Radically changing our intentions”. This activates the Uranus Pluto Square, which will later turn into another Grand Cross (the 5th of 7 in total), which I’ve written about in detail before. This Cross will become exact again from 20th to the 22nd (over Easter), but the activation has started already. Joining Uranus and Pluto in the tight square will be lofty Jupiter, which amplifies everything and assertive/ aggressive Mars.
The next bit of this blog will mean more to people who have copies of their charts. If you don’t you can try and intuit where it may play out or you might want to have your chart done. Astrology really does help to understand what’s going on… and what’s going on is big, people. This world, she is a-changing, like it or not and we need to keep up.
So if you have a copy of your chart, here goes. You can look up the house meanings on www.cafeastrology.com. I’ll relate it back to my chart, to help you get the hang of it, seeing as though I’m baring all today.
- First Look at where 12 or 13 degrees Capricorn is in your chart. That’s where Pluto is sitting– this will be area in your life where there are old compulsions, obsessions or control issues that you need to release. Pluto is transitting my first house, which represents the physical body, how I project myself into the world and controlling my immediate environment -Ha! So much for that!)
- Next, look at the area which houses 12 / 13 degrees Aries. This is where Uranus is. This indicates the area/s in your life that needs to be radically changed.– this is where you can no longer do things the way you’ve been doing them.. any more…finito! Mine is travelling across my 4th / 5th house cusp. This means changes in and around my actual physical home (which is happening), family relations (that too), my deepest psychological complexes and connecting with my real spiritual home. Recent dreams of re-organising furniture and moving houses have clarified that even more for me) Watch your dreams by the way…they’ll be profound. The 5th house is the house of creativity or procreation. Seeing as though I won’t be procreating at this point, it could mean a change in the way I express myself creatively – yay!
- Then look at is where 13 degrees of Cancer resides. This is where lofty, expansive Jupiter is travelling. This is the area where you will find expansion and nurturing, where your inner child might need some care and compassion. Mine is in the house of one-on-one relationships and close friendships. Even though I’m not in a permanent partnership, I have received more nurturing this last week than I ever thought possible. Thanks to each of you – not a single text, phone call or visit went by unnoticed or unappreciated and each one made me realise that I am not actually alone in this physical world.
- Lastly, wherever 13 degrees Libra is situated is where Mars, the warrior king is hanging out. Being in Libra, this indicates that its related to how we handle our interactions with others, how we judge others and where the reflections are. This is the area where you need to find balance, harmony and authenticity. This is where you need to speak your truth with loving kindness, where you need to be a peaceful warrior. Mine is in the house which relates to groups, group work, humanitarian concerns, friends, as well as future goals.
So that’s the Grand Cross – hard to explain but really big and important. As if that isn’t enough, we also have not one, but two eclipses this month, representing great personal and global change. The first is on 15April (in the Southern Hemisphere). It’s a lunar eclipse which means it’s a full moon – in Libra – more relationship stuff) This one is the first of a string of four “blood moons” which will happen over the next year and a half. I don’t know much about them, but books have been written about them and there’s lots to read on the internet.
Essentially what will happen is that light from the sun to the moon will be blocked by the Earth, lasting about 77 minutes (visible only in the northern hemisphere, so us down south won’t see this one L. Some speculate that the blood moons are not just the result of rare alignments and that they are part of a biblical prophecy to be fulfilled in relevance to Israel. Guess we will just have to see. As I say, I know nothing. J The second (solar) eclipse is on the 29th April , which is a new moon in Taurus. More about that later in the month.
So- if you see life as a stage, then the set is changing and a new one is being constructed, not only in April, but for the rest of the year. As far as I can see its about Awareness, Awakeness, Authenticity, Attention, Intention and Meaning and taking responsibility for our lives. I found this passage recently in a book that was lent to me by another sister/friend – what would we do without em?
“The goal in life is not happiness, but meaning” – based on the work of Carl Jung.
That’s a very good place for us to start. . Ask yourself …What gives my life meaning? Am I living that, doing that, even in a small way every day? What used to make my heart sing as a child? Do I still do any of that? How am I using the precious energy that I have? Where is my attention? Is it on thoughts of doom, gloom and anxiety, or on grand possibilities? Am I congruent… am I walking my talk? Am I living an authentic life or behaving in certain ways, just to please others?. Whilst we’re so busy striving, pleasing and working to achieve what we believe we need to achieve, we sometimes forget to just be ourselves. Am I able to stand in my truth and authentically say what I need to say with firm loving kindness? Am I feeling my feelings or medicating them away with alcohol or other addictions?
When the chips are down, and you’re alone and unsure of anything, who are you at the deepest level – Who is the “you” beyond the career, the children, the partner, house, money, responsibilities, concerns, achievements?. When all that is stripped away, what is left? What is your deepest Hearts Desire? Etymologically the word “desire” comes from the Latin de and sidus –and one interpretation is “ to have lost ones navigational star”. Have you lost sight of yours? Perhaps it’s a little dimmed? If so, now’s the time to start clearing the debris away and navigating your way back home.
Please see my newsletter or contact me for details of the Inspired Intention workshops I’m running on this theme in April . By the way, I will not be showing you what your heart’s desire is – you will do this yourself – I’m just the tour guide.
I leave you with this thought by a favourite astrologer of mine Tom Lescher for this week. “ If I am to be a co-creator, It’s my job to know what to water, when and how, to regulate the flow. Whatever we want to grow in our lives needs our full attention and deep intention and that’s precisely what the astrology of this month is all about.
Wheweee. That’s me, over and out for now. Thanks for reading
In life and light